Title: So you couldn't wait huh? or Full Moon This Morning

I couldn't decide if I wanted the first title or the second title so I used both. As you can see by the date of this post - it is now Sunday.

Yesturday - Saturday - April 12th - turned out to be your birthday. It's wild to say that but it's true. There is so much to write down - I don't know where to start and I was so tired by 1am that I'm sure I'll forget a few things - but I'll do my best to tell you about the things I'll never forget.

I guess I'll try to start where I left off.

Your mama was bleeding yesturday morning - and then she started getting pain. Your heart dipped a few times - and the doctor was called. Shortly there after around 6:45am or so the events that lead to your birth were set in motion. A swirl of emotion and a dream like reality - which doesn't reall make since swept over me. Your Dr. arrived and you and your mother were wisked away shortly after the ultra sound revealed your buttocks was exiting the cervix. As your mother and you vanished as I called your auntie Sue.

I was lead to a door across from where you'll be spending a few month being cared for. The door was locked and the nurse swiped her keycard and let me in. I can't rememeber exactly - but I believe your Dr. introduced me to a nurse and then vanished as a bag of blue scrubs was handed to me. "Wash your hands - remove your clothes and put these on".

I washed my hands removed all but my underware and put the blue scrubs on (which i'm going to keep). I asked if my underware were fine and they said "yes, please do!" LOL, but you need to put the scrub shoe covers over my shoes not my bare feet. Oops!

I quickly placed my shoes on and the scrubs over my shoes and then was led to a door. The nurse pointed to a chair in the long hallway and told me to sit down. I walked over, sat down and held on to the mask with both hands.

It was still early morning so the hallway was quiet and dimly lit. To the right of me down the hall were double doors. Just to my right in front of me were several scrub tubs. I waited what seemed like several minutes in the chair sitting there grasping the mask tightly. I looked around and It all seemed so dramatic. Like this momment was all scripted for me. The double doors openned and one by one doctors washed hands while their faces were convered with mask and plastic eye shields. They feet convered with scrub boots.

One by one the nodded and quitely passed enter a door to my far left. Again I was left in dim silence.

After again what seemed like forever two nurses entered. One they introduced themselves, one was a nurse in training. They entered the door. Again silence.

Less than a minute - my hands still tightly grasping the mask - the head nurse entered from the left door. She said "Are you ready? She needs to be strong." I took a few deep breaths my eyes watering a bit. And said "yes". She asked "Does the sight of blood bother you?" I said "I don't think so" One of us said I guess we'll find out.

She lead me to the door. When the door openned a brilliant flood of white light hit my eyes. The room seemed to filled with light - It was almost as if I had died. I can still picture the room and feel the intense emotional awe that swept over me.

In the center of the room your mother lie. Blue material surrounding her. 9 or so people in scrubs, four of them stood silently against the wall. The blue around your mom and the scrubs of the doctors and nurses stood out against the flood of white light. I was led to a chair to the right of your mom, and told not to touch anything blue.

Her arm was on an arm rest and I slipped her prayer beads from my hand to hers. I held it her hand tight and stroked her forehead.

Suddenly a flurry of motion began with the exception of the four people and one trainee nurse that stood against the wall.

I spoke softly to your mom how well she was doing, and she prayed almost silently to herself.

In less than a minute or two or so it seemed - one single small cry was faintly heard and you were lifted high in the air and your cord was cut. The four doctors quickly stepped forward and grabbed you and carried you to a small table in the corner. Their backs turned to me and arms moving and gestures and exchanges occured. Words which I would have to look up, but can't remember now were caught by my ears.

Your mama kept saying "How is my baby?" I kept stroking her head and saying she's fine you did great. Your mama said "I want to see my baby" And to my surprise one of the doctors quickly stridded over and withing you inches front of my face showed you to your mama. Then he turned away packed you into the table and you were gone, as were the four doctors.

I told your doctor it was like in a movie, and that'd i'd probably faint later. She said it now you know what it's like to be a movie star, but that it didn't really feel like a tv show to her. The funny thing now is - I was wrong. As I write this and think back - it was more like your mom was the center of universe and this wonder event was taking place and the rest of the world was gone. I can't explain it but, while I've heard that the usual (boring) natural way of having a baby is amazing, this was more like your parents life (unusual and untraditional) and what seemed like unique event that fewer people experince.

The fear and awe that passed thru me is something I can't ever forget.